How to Support a Loved One with an Eating Disorder This Thanksgiving
If someone you love is in eating disorder treatment, the holidays can feel tricky. You want to show up for them, but you might not know what helps — or what hurts. As an eating disorder therapist, I’ve seen both sides: the person struggling and the people who care deeply but feel unsure how to help.
Here’s what I want every friend, parent, and partner to know this Thanksgiving:
1. Don’t Comment on Food or Bodies — Anyone’s
It might seem harmless to say, “you look great” or “you’re eating more than you used to,” but comments about food or appearance — even positive ones — can be incredibly triggering, even to someone without an eating disorder.
Instead, try to focus on compliments that aren’t centered on the body:
“I’m so glad to see you.”
“You have such a calming energy.”
“I love how you tell stories.”
No one’s worth is measured in bites or body size — remind them of that with your words and presence.
2. Avoid Diet Talk at the Table
This one’s big. Holiday meals often turn into discussions about calories, “earning” food with exercise, or plans to “get back on track Monday.”
For someone in recovery, that chatter can make it nearly impossible to stay grounded.
You can help by gently changing the subject:
“Hey, let’s talk about something fun — what’s everyone’s favorite holiday memory?”
Or, if you feel comfortable, directly set a boundary before the meal:
“Let’s try to keep diet talk off the table this year; it’s been a tough season and we all deserve a little peace.”
3. Offer Support, Not Surveillance
You don’t need to watch what your loved one eats or make sure they finish their plate. That’s their therapist and treatment team’s job, not yours.
Instead, support them emotionally. Sit beside them, check in quietly if they seem uncomfortable, or simply model neutral eating behaviors. Your calm presence can make a huge difference.
4. Check In Privately and Listen Without Fixing
After the meal (or before), you can ask, “how can I support you today?” or “would you like me to help redirect diet talk if it comes up?”
If they open up, just listen. You don’t have to have the right words. Sometimes the most healing thing is knowing someone cares enough to ask.
5. Keep Routine and Safety in Mind
People in eating disorder therapy often rely on structure to stay regulated: consistent meals, planned support calls, or predictable breaks. If you’re hosting, ask if there’s anything you can do to help them maintain that.
A quiet room to decompress, flexible meal timing, or knowing what food is being served can go a long way in reducing stress.
6. Remember: They’re Doing the Hardest Work
Recovery is exhausting—it’s emotional and takes the kind of courage most people never have to summon. When you see your loved one show up, even if they struggle, know that it took strength just to be there.
You don’t need to fix their relationship with food, you just need to love them through it.
Final Thought
Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Showing up with compassion, curiosity, and nonjudgment is the greatest gift you can give someone in recovery.
If you’re unsure how to support them, ask.
If you say the wrong thing, repair it with kindness.
And if you need your own support, reach out.
Eating disorder treatment isn’t just for the person struggling; families can learn how to walk this road together.
Let us support your journey by connecting with one of our eating disorder therapists in Cedar Rapids, Des Moines, or virtually anywhere in Iowa!
